“Is it too soon to say I love him?” This message popped up on my screen a few days ago. My answer was “No! Start from love and keep opening to that love until something triggers you. When it does, stop and recognize that what is triggering you is something inside you that you don’t like or that needs to be healed. When you get that trigger, stop and give yourself time to sit with it and understand what it is within you that you want to change or heal.”
Less than twelve hours later I was on the phone with a client who had ended her relationship with her partner. What she said made me swell with pride. She recognized that the person she was seeing was backing her in a corner. Worse yet, she realized this was a reflection of the very thing she did not like about herself. By being exposed everyday to this person she was continually focusing on the exterior issue rather than her own internal struggle with the issue. “I don’t like this problem in myself; why do I want to deal with it everyday in him?” She told me. “I would rather spend time dealing with it on my own.” Wow! Her decision to remove herself from the situation, even though she really loves this person, and recognize that she needs to sit with it, understand it, and change what was happening on the inside, using extreme self-care to do that, is remarkable.
How many of us can recognize the challenge when we are in the midst of the situation? Yes, it is easy for me to coach her, I’m at a distance; but her recognizing the truth of the situation and putting her self above all else – is starting from love – and the best kind of love. Self-love.
Although she felt she was “a hot mess right now” I see her as more in alignment to her truth than I have ever seen her. I am so proud of her and, as expected with anyone who is in alignment, the person she was dating has already reached out to her. Together, they have found out why each of them was triggered so intensely. She has decided to give herself time to decide what she will do in the end, but, for now, there is a deeper understanding of that which they desire. How many of us start from that kind of love for ourselves?
In relationships of all kinds, when we start from love, it is not the obligation of another to act in a certain way for our happiness. Rather, we are able to recognize and stay centered in our truths. We are divine love and we are here to thrive, play, and enjoy our experience. The triggers that people bring up for us to recognize are such gifts when we are willing to see them as they are. We invite people into our lives to hold a mirror before us. Just as we look into a glass mirror to put on our makeup or tidy our clothes, we would not reach out to make adjustments to the image before us, but rather reach to straighten our own hair and clothes. If we can remember to make the adjustments in ourselves with the issues we are feeling, then true lasting change will happen and we will never again start from anywhere but love.
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